Monday, May 28, 2007

To my sisters and our only brother

I woke to an e-mail from my twin brother this morning. He is the most amazing man/guy I know. I have two sisters too. I love my sisters and brother with my all...the poem below says a tad of the emotion called love I have and feel for them...

I'm happy for my two sisters and only brother
as we've grown up, we've taken care of each other
stuck up for each other
wanted only what is best for each other
I pray we'll always be a part of each other's lives,
always love each other,
because that's what siblings are
so, siblings, this is for you

There's a link between us
that will never break,
Even though it's been stretched
a time or two-or even more
we've been through
so much together;
we've got so much in common

I'll never stop caring about you,
worrying about you,
wanting only the very best for you,
that can never change.
because that's what love's all about
that's what a sister's for

Just so you know,
I carry your hearts with me(I carry them in my heart)
I'm never without them(nowhere I go am I without them)
anywhere I go you go, my beloved sisters and brother;and whatever thing
is done by only me is your doing my darlings

I fear no fate(for you my sweets,are my fate)
I want no world(for you beautifuls, are my one true world)
and it's you who are my everything
and whatever always means the most and best to me
you are

Here is the darkest secret, no soul else knows
(here is the root of all roots, song of all songs
and love of all loves called A LIFE WITH YOU,
which grows higher than the soul hopes or mind thinks)
and it's no wonder you're the stars set apart
the best, bright and shining

So you just know,
I carry your hearts(I carry them in my heart)

Saturday, May 19, 2007


Silent phone,
ringing phone,
same difference

Earlier days,
same difference

silence speaks louder

same difference

or gone,
same difference

same difference.Not.

Solitude moments..
crowded moments...
same difference? no?
different difference.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Heaven in You

Self-love is a pre-requisite for a healthy
You accept and reach out to others in the same way that you accept
and understand yourself

Don't look for heaven
up there...
in the clouds,
or past the clouds,

Don't try to see it where or when
the stars shine,
don't think its gone when the moon isn't out

Look inside
Inside of you

It's when you smile

It's when you choose too see only goodness,
deal bad best you can,
love limitless,
make a difference,

It's when you live best in and for the moment
set example
are humble
treat all equally

Heaven is,
when you refuse to give up
when you choose to give faith a fighting chance
when you live on hope you see it?
do you feel it?

Heaven is inside of you
Heaven is you!

Monday, May 14, 2007


I celebrate you today...

Truth outted by her
I hung my head
buried it in my hands
wept afresh for you

I miss you
still love you
still catch myself hoping..dreaming you were around
and oh how much I see you each time I walk
I bump into you
just every other day

Tell you some of the things I miss..?
the colored rice..
the tusker in the stew...
the hurried dinners...
the popped in movies to keep us awake till dinner was ready
the sa(n)dak whoopings

I try to block my eyes from seeing you
my mind from hearing you
your last words to me
our last words

I miss you
I love you
I still say a prayer for you
still mention you
to those close to me
I knew when you left, I saw
but kept in denial

I asked God to let you eat
and finish your food
it tore me apart
when you were no more
It felt as though God had disowned me
as though He heard not my prayers..our prayers

I sacrified for you
I wanted you to live so so bad
I wanted to come back find you
if only I had known those
words were our last
that day our only together
return I never would have
but then again you would not have wanted that

I live on because I know
you look down on
because when I look out my window
every night I know you are the brightest star
that shines, puts a sparkle in my heart

And when the stars are not out
It puts my heart at rest to know
you are at rest with the best
you taught me so much
may be not by words
but actions, just from watching you

I live on because now I know
even those things we think sometimes
matter, don't, not at all
now I know there's more, more
to this life

I see so much of you in me
and it keeps me going
I want to be just like you
and more
you know what..

I cry today
because I know you should have
lived on
I try to find a reason
but I succumb to tears
I'm lost
can still read the placard
I can still hear the soil
I see you

Sleep in peace

Saturday, May 12, 2007

My Seven

I've been tagged twice by Mwangi and Q. Here goes my seven;

  1. When I was about 10y.o my cousins, siblings and I would get hauled to grandma's. It's in the murang'a bundus, suffice to say banana plantations dominate the district(?). Grandma always cooked bananas. Now you can only eat something for so long. One day we were out playing and she calls us to come eat lunch(duh banoz). We all refused to go and instead screamt calling her "monkey" I shall not indulge you in the whipping we later faced that day.
  2. During the first term of my high school I was in a school in the bundus (Kangaru Girls-Embu) they spoke embian and I didn't understand jerk. I had enough of it, run away, went back home and refused to go back to that school until I got transferred to a different school.
  3. I'm very attached to my cellphone. I live in a city where I have no family or anyone I'd really call a friend. Everyone close to this heart of mine is out of state/city or country all together so I gotta have my cellphone. If I can't find my cellphone I freak out and panic. I hardly turn off my cellphone. I text message alot. My cellphone got a virus 3weeks ago and I haven't seen it in like 2weeks and I've been literally sitting on my hands to not pull my hair out because I cannot handle the replacement cellphone.
  4. I'm kinda sorta anal and spoilt. I like to do things a certain or particular way. More often than not I gotta have things my way.
  5. I believe in God. I wholly trust and depend on God. God is the only person I can use the word NEVER with or on b/c He is the only one person I can always count on without getting forsaken, let down or disappointed. God is the most awesome person I know. Prayer is the most powerful thing in my life.
  6. My boyfriend is different. I'm at pains to explain how.
  7. My moms is the most amazing woman and person I'm yet to meet. I call her my RIBS. She's my role model, inspiration,bestfriend #1, and soulmate. All I'm I owe to her. She's taught and instilled all the values and morals in me and I thank God for her very much. I celebrate her big this mothers' day.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

He's gone

I don't think everyone should marry.

I agree that some people should not have children.

I do think some people that are married should not be together.

I think it's better to leave FOR the kids.

I think it's detrimental to the general well-being of the kids, as well as the parents to stay in a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of saving face.

No one asked him to leave but he did.

I'm not sure how i feel now that he's left.

It broke my heart to hear them cry.

He hasn't written. He hasn't called.I don't know if he is happy. I'm not sure I even care

I thought I would be ready for this one day. I'm not.

I can't.So much. Too much. Stop.

(Borrowed from Medusa 2005/6)*partially edited*