Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Super Understanding

I lay in bed,
tossed and turned all night long
I cried myself to sleep
not a soul to talk to
not a heart to confide in

I walked,
lost in my thoughts
stuck in the past
trying to make something of the present
to build a future

Lost in my ways
I turned myself around
lay in the bed I made
not a wink
no sleep
yet no regrets

Because this time
I kept the lessons
held them close to me

I didn't think anyone really cared
I don't even think i wanted anyone to
but in my heart of hearts
I hoped for a true soul out there
that truly would

That soul is you,
and am graetful to God
you help me keep my faith
show me how to wait it out

You teach me how to keep hoping
never to sell-out
always to reconsider

It's your thought, that keeps me safe in the dark
your prayer, keeps me warm in the cold
your love sends me protection
and guidance from up above
because I know you murmur away a prayer to God
just for me

I try to not let go
because I know
regardless of everything
you think me, happy thoughts
hope and pray me only the best

This mystery puzzle
called me
is now almost complete
all its pieces just about
put together

I'm most thankful to God
for you
because you make me tear away at what
an awesome and amazing person you are

So if you ever loose your hope
you can have mine
if you get lost
I'll ask God to help me find you
because me and you walk the same line

I'll shine a light for you
when it's dark
I'll try my best to be there
to help you feel your way around

If that cloud too should pass
I know another will come
and still i'll stand on the other side of the shore
waiting for you
God help me
because when we meet what we are afraid of
we find out what we are made of

I've something real in you
because you and I speak
the same language
even in silence
you get me,
and feels great to be got

Your words give me strength
knowing you're there
keeps me going

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


It's everything. and nothing. It's everyone and no one. sometimes even I, am clueless to what's going on. have i distanced myself? really? why does that not seem like news to me. have i been overly quiet lately? i can't explain it, i can try but what does it matter you wouldn't understand anyway. i don't want you to try, it is ok.I survive, i tough it out. i hardly let on anything.but sometimes it hits the fan. tis ok to cry after all, right? it cleanses the soul, at least it does mine. i don't want to man up, i want to be my 'real' age, i want to cry because this end feels empty and yes there's a light at the end of this tunnel but i don't want to be the big guy again, i want to succumb to this and cleanse this soul. i don't want to 'fix' it. i've learnt sometimes i've to let it fall apart if it has to fall back in place.Am i forgetting something? no, i would not forget to count my blessings and thank God.someone out there is having it worse. i'm lost, i've gone to look for myself, should i return before i'm back, please have me wait.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

8 random things

I got tagged by Pandave...

The Rules are:-

  1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
  2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
  3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
  4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
  5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

So here goes mine...

  • I was addicted to coffee for a long time. I've been 'sober' of coffee for six months now and am still counting. It's a big achievement, if i say so myself
  • I dislike driving. I'd rather catch the trolley,ride the bus, or take a cab than drive. So, that's exactly what I do, leave my car home and commute
  • I hardly use the word-Hate-in regard to someone. If I said I hated someone I'd be saying I hate the God in them lol I can't explain it
  • I don't lye my hair. I always braid. I'm seriously contemplating dreads in a few months. Some people relate or misjudge people with locks but sporting dreads doesn't necessarily point you out as belonging to a certain 'group' or 'cult'. I'm still trying to figure out how to convince my moms, hopefully she won't keel over and die
  • I love men in uniform. Not cops though. Pilots, Paramedics, and Firemen. I've one and I love him to smitherings
  • I've disliked cops since October '03. I know not all of them are trigger-happy but since I lost somone very close to one of the few who are trigger-happy it's made it harder to even want to differentiate the good from the bad. Need I say I dislike guns?
  • Each time an ambulance, fire truck, and police car zoom past me, sirens going off I whisper a prayer for the person (s) they're rushing for
  • The person I am today I owe to my moms. She knows, I tell her each time we talk, over and over, it doesn't get old, b/c each day I discover a new piece, a new strength that I didn't even know existed. But above all I'm graetful to God for ever making her my moms. I love her to pieces, to the very last bit.

I tag Irena, Feather, Quintessence, scotchbiscuits, Betty, Cabbie Dearest, Gish, and Three types of crazy.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Those days

There are days when I feel ready to begin
then there are others I feel most unprepared

There are times when all I do is ball out my eyes
then there are others i laugh my ribs into pain

There are days when nothing seems to make sense
then others when am the one pointing out to others
how much sense everything really makes

There are days when I need not a reminder that tough times don't last
and that better days are nigh
then those that I've to be reminded, it has to be hammered into me
it has to be rubbed all over my face
I have to be made sit and reminded I know this, that I know better
that I've said it to others, that on most days it's what I walk, talk, eat

There are days when I've a clue
others am just so lost and clueless
others I just zone out

There are days when I can't wait to awake
others I want to stay under those covers
stay underneath forever

There are days I'll talk
others I'm quiet, withdrawn,behind my walls
searching, finding

There are days am upto to everything
others I just want to sit and do nothing
just look into space, get lost in my own fantasies

There are those days
then others
and until i'm jolted back to reality
It's either one

When I get on my knees
when I bow this head
When in discreet I whisper away a prayer
When I murmur to myself
God intervenes
see I can't explain how
but I do know for sure
there's power in a prayer

There's revelation when I wait on God
there's success when I involve Him in my life
there's excellence all around me
there are breakthroughs

I find answers,
to all my questions...

Have a blessed and beautiful weekend!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Cheer me up?

I'm back from vac. I was only gone a week. But, it didn't seem like a week, not for a minute, it seemed longer. I enjoyed every minute of it, had tons of fun, good laughs, good food, just simply a very amazing time.

Vacation? what is it? my definition is a time when I get to digress if for a moment from the-my normal routine(which is insanely overwhelming). It's the time I take off of the routine and slow down, catch a breath, look around, take in the beauty of rest and change or not. Time to re-energise and recuperate, time to reflect, time to catch up on some things that normally wouldn't make the day's agenda ( I'm a bit big on first things first). A time to reminiscence on what has been and of course a time to re-focus and make a few necessary changes. And all these I did.

But now am back in town, as I type this am not a happy camper, I'm in a crisis of a bittersweet mood. I miss my family so much, I miss the BF. Vacation was suppossed to make me happy no? and yes am happy and very graetful I got that time off and got away from all the madness in my life. However, whenever I take vacation I regress, no, not in a bad way. But, I always come back and first 2 weeks, I'm trying to fit in the routine all over again, like trying to rebuild myself, and not cry myself to sleep. I build a wall and shut others out as I give myself time to come back.

I'll come back slowly but surely. When I wake up tomorrow morning it'll be more like hitting the ground running because of all the things I have to do and stay on top of. I'll be back sooner than I know it, it'll linger at the back of my mind but soon will vamoose.

Think me happy thoughts, would you? Leave me comments and cheer me up :) Indulge me in how you feel after your vacation(s) or how you'd feel after your vacation(s)?

Mood-Bittersweet, torn between happy, aloneness, lowliness, and sadness

Wednesday, July 04, 2007


I'm on vacation but I'll be back before y'all know it

Prayers, love, and friendship