Thursday, January 22, 2009

Black? Morbid? Noooooooo!!!

I'll be attending a wedding on Saturday. Yes all my friends have decided to walk the talk and walk down the aisle. This been my umpteenth wedding since March, 2008.

I could pull a number from the back of the closet. Alright, I have already pulled out a number from the back of the closet. But it's black. My closet is almost entirely black. I'm not morbid it's just that I think black rocks and so am all about black.

However, this week I've been googling guest wedding dresses and black to a wedding sounds morbid? and it's all about lavender, yellow and the other light colors. And now am frightened. I absolutely do not want to be frowned upon for wearing black to someone's wedding. But am sure as hell not going out and buying a dress in a different color. I spent a half day yesterday trying the yellows and not my cup of tea. ACK!! I don't hate weddings but the deciding what to wear is stealing the little sanity i have left and am trying so hard to hold on to.

So what am I trying to say? because some of you might suggest I get one in a different color but as stated above I won't be doing that. Secondly, some of you might say what the heck pull the black number on them, which is what I plan to do. Yeah I am not trying to say anything. I'm just blabbering.

I've been so busy lately I've not had time for me. I've not had a bath in a long, long time and I don't have my cup of green tea to enjoy it anymore but to actually stop me from going delirious. I need away. I need to stop and take a breather. I need to leave all this madness behind. I need a day in bed to catch up on sleep. But assignments and work and just life to put it mildly have all had a way to get in the way of that.

Attending all these weddings is starting to make me feel like am living 27 dresses. Not in the good way but in a nightmarish kinda way. Oh my friends are just getting married left, right and center and the only thing keeping them from getting married soon enough is that dates are already booked. Probably by other friends of mine which could mean another wedding for me to attend LOL I kid. Or may be not :) Which reminds me I need to go watch Bride Wars because I am 'living it'

This wedding is going to be my get away. I'm going to check into my room early enough and read a book and relax. I've not had a day off for a long, long time. This weekend am off four days in a row. Which is a piece of heaven. So I look forward to it and will not let the not having the 'right' dress (if there is such a thing. which I know some of you will argue there is) get in the way.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. Oye!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Crashing Waves and Giants

Sometimes, things happen in our lives that are too overwhelming. We face crashing waves and giants. And as we stand and face the realm of the unknown, the situation steals our hope, faith and trust. And we forget. Our recollection fails us. And we begin to live in the moment of doubt, mistrust and hopelessness. Slowly everything we have believed in and held onto slips away.

But just like every storm the situations we might be in are followed by a calm and quiet. And in that calm and quiet is when our sanity returns to us. I pause and take it all in and wonder what happened to me? when I stopped believing, trusting and hoping? and it all comes back to me. I never did. I was just overwhelmed by the situation to the point of succumbing to doubt and lack of faith and hope. I want to snap out of it. I want to hope, trust and have faith in God at all times. If I lose all else I want to keep holding on to that. I want to not be afraid of facing tomorrow. I want to have enough brevity and courage to help me step out of my safety net and comfort zone and tackle the giants in my life. I want to always remember am in better hands (God's) even when I run out of faith or hope.

This morning I realized how easy it is to just focus on the bad and negative and forget the good and positive that once abound. I do not want to forget because holding onto the positive even if it's in the past helps me have faith and hope for a better tomorrow. I don't want to give in at that moment of weakness. In our trials and temptations, which are the situations we find ourselves in on a daily basis, God's strength manifests itself.

So I guess what I am trying to say is remember to count your blessings at your weakest moment (and at all times of course) and see what a huge difference it makes!!! Do not let one negative situation or moment ruin and steal all the joy you have ever experienced and blessings in your life. Every storm passes. Instead turn the ashes in to beauty and let it be like the sun shining in spite of the falling rain and thunder.

Count you blessings. Name them one by one. And it will surprise you what the Lord can do, has done, is doing and will do.

have I hang my head for too long
did i only look at the negative
have i not counted my blessings
did i forget to remember where He has brought me from
have i been ungrateful
was i feisty in my demands
have my requests been self-centered
have i not taken out the time to look back
did i only live in the present
have i only looked and seen the bad
have i forgotten
well then today my recollection has returned
today I have remembered to count only my blessings
today i look and see only the positive
today i pray not for me but you
today am grateful for what I have and have had
today i give thanks for everything He has done
done, is doing and will do.

Thursday, January 08, 2009


the lights blurred
as I walked
tears streamed my face
i was falling apart
i look out the window
look out to a happy world
behind the window a girl
so lost
in profound misery
I doubt
I doubt so much
it seeps from me into the ground

the thirsty dry ground takes it in
one minute here the next gone
like it never existed only I know it did
i doubt
i douth so much
prisoner to self
hands tightly cling to the bars

standing on tiptoes
take a peek
its all chaos still
i doubt
I doubt so much
it escapes me
permeating the air
i watch it blend in
as if it never were apart of me
and i feel empty
i doubt
i doubt so much

a girl
scared of the crashing waves
and giants
i doubt
i doubt
i doubt so much