Saturday, April 19, 2008

Today I cried

My blinds are half drawn. My t.v. is on but on mute. I'm sitted on the floor, in front of my laptop, my legs crossed in my living room. My head hurts a little. My cheeks feel dry. Beside me sits a soaked Kleenex. I just had myself a good cry. My eyes are red and puffy. My lips, nose and throat feel dry. The room is dark, only lit my the t.v. light. I cried for a lot of reasons. I cried for every joy, every frustration, every time I've felt overwhelmed and not cried. I feel very sad. I need to make a lot of decisions. I called my best friend but I ended up getting off the phone b/c even he wasn't getting me. It's for a lot of reasons and no reason at all. A good cry cleanses the soul it is said. I hope mine is cleansed. This cloud too shall pass. I smile amidst this tears b/c despite getting harder as i draw near to the end of the proverbial tunnel I do know for sure things will get better. I do have faith and hope things won't always be this tough. I pray and trust God.

After all it is all part of growing up. Or is it?

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Spring Break

  • I've been on spring break for the last 10+ days
  • Its been fun
  • Doing lots of nothing besides staying under covers
  • Sleeping in, eating and watching movies
  • I could see myself doing this for the rest of my life
  • Ok, I'm kidding
  • It gets old after a while
  • You get so used to waking up to an agenda of to-do things
  • And then you've a week off and have absolutely no idea what to do with it
  • I caught up on sleep
  • And all my shows
  • I love, love the comedy-How I met your mother-
  • It was a fun time off
  • I'm not thrilled to be going back to work and school
  • But I'm also not sure I could hack staying indoors for another day
  • Ok, I know I'll be taking all of these back on Monday
  • But let's only dwell on now
  • I'm counting down to the end of April
  • Wow I've been learning growing up is totally something else
  • I love it. All the responsibility and you know the whole shebang that comes with it
  • Anyway I'm learning it's not really all it's made out to be
  • Ok so there's the fun side of growing up
  • And then there is pains of growing up
  • I'm afraid growing up is more of an ongoing process than a stage you hit then it plateaus (which actually is what I always thought it to be for a long while)
  • I'm glad it's ongoing b/c perfectly honestly I don't do well with time limits.
  • I know I'm not making a whole lot of sense
  • But growing up is a process I've been continually experiencing and also something that has been on my mind a lot lately
  • Growing up. It's everywhere.
  • It might be a bit scary but am learning to embrace it alright
  • It's when you learn to make decisions
  • It's when you learn to slow down and not be rash
  • It's when you learn to hold a straight face and when to laugh it off
  • It's learning the consequences
  • It's keeping the lessons
  • It's learning to work with what you have
  • It's selflessness
  • Growing up? it's a lot of things
  • I could not possibly write them all
  • But, I'm also learning that...
  • It's also learning to pray without ceasing
  • And seeking the best direction from God