Wednesday, July 08, 2009

The joke's on me

this is all too familiar
the deserted pavements
a few people here and there rushing
out of life
late for a coffee date
or to pick up a kid
better still done for the day
the buildings stand tall
as if in eager anticipation
of the return of them all
them who crowd the place
I enter the building
it too not bursting at its seams
only a few people here and there
a few like me
back ups sitting on the floor
pages turning
highlighters coloring the tables
so quiet
I'm distracted by the guy tapping his foot
on the carpeted floor
oh my heart aches at the nostalgia of it all
my soul longs to see the end of it one day


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Saturday, June 06, 2009

The angel of death attacks me again

All I seem to write about here lately is death. The spirit of death has loomed over me this year.

Tonight I just found out my good friend from nursing school died in a car accident. She was only 24. Just 24. I mean when did we start going so young? my heart is broken. It was not even about healed from the family tragedy we suffered in March and now this?

In my mind I keep seeing her in class. In class she sat on the right side of the very front row. I sat in the back so I had a pretty good view of her. And now in my mind that's all I see. Her bent over the books trying to find a certain chapter, quickly scribbling notes as the prof blabber mastered on, her fishing for a highlighter in her back pack to highlight the chapters that would be tested on the next exam, her hand up either to answer questions or ask some.

I see her sitting right there next to my other good friend and my heart breaks over and over again. I cannot wrap my head around why her and why so young and why after going through the grueling nursing school? I almost want to say what a waste but then again what will her family and friends say? how they must feel I cannot imagine.

Pray for Kara to rest in peace and for her family and friends to find hope and strength to carry on.

You Only Live Once Make Sure It's Enough

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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Happy Birthday

Today you'd have been 38. I look at the pictures and think they gotta be kidding me. I know you're gone but it's so hard to accept it. I keep expecting that random call or text. I keep expecting you to walk in. Looking at pictures is the hardest because it was just the other day and you were so full of life. I look at those pictures and think no he can't be gone but I know you're gone because it's been a while since we've talked or seen each other. Dos Equis not only urges us to stay thirsty but also to live life to the fullest and I'm convinced beyond doubt they did that new commercial for you. And yes I know for a fact they must have it on tap there for the special angel you're.

Today, for the first time in 5 years we went out and bought our own drinks. We dressed up, got in the car and went out. How strange was it for you not to be there? you the person who always ordered our drinks and made sure in our staying thirsty we didn't stay thirsty? how odd was it for us to dance and not have you hovering over us ensuring we were having a good time? but we did because we know it's what you'd have wanted us to do. It's what you want us to do from up there, live life to the fullest because if there's one thing we're forced to learn from your unexpected demise is that life is fleeting and oh no we don't call the shots on this one.

RIP. We're staying thirsty for you, remembering you, loving you, missing you, thinking of you and trying to fit the shoes you've left behind for us to walk in despite the difficulty of living up to your standards and the person you were because indeed you were one of a kind and cannot and NEVER will be replaced.

Today, we love you in death as much as we loved you in life.


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Friday, April 24, 2009

Celebrating You

It's one month today since you've been gone. We celebrate a life well lived and accomplished. A life well lived is well worth recording. A life full of laughter, joy and reaching out to others.

You were a star and still each day you shine down on us from heaven.

Shine on!!!

Artist: Robbie Robertson Lyrics
Song: Shine Your Light Lyrics

The cry of the city like a siren's song
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky
Must be someone's soul passing by

These are the streets
Where we used to run where your Papa's from
These are the days
Where you become what you become
These are the streets
Where the story's told
The truth unfolds
Darkness settles in

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength
To carry on, carry on

Don't wanna be a hero
Just an everyday man
Trying to do the job the very best he can
But now it's like living on borrowed time
Out on the rim, over the line
Always tempting fate like a game of chance
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance
Sometimes i stumble and take a hard fall
Loose(?) hold your grip off the wall

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

I thought i saw him walking by the side of the road
Maybe trying to find his way home

He's here but not here
He's gone but not gone
Just hope he knows if I get lost

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
To carry on

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Our Dear

Yesterday we were together
you hugged us and kissed us
yesterday we saw you lying there motionless
this time you didn't reciprocate the touch
we put you in the ground
for the first time we left you behind
yesterday you didn't come along with us
you had to stay
and we were so sad about it
we stood around you and wept
still we felt you touch us to console us
still we had your laugh as we read your beautiful tributes
you sneaky punk
still you shone on us
still you were amongst us in your own way
today I saw you
you were the sun rays that penetrated my blinds
awakening me to a beautiful day
today I felt you
you were the strong waves that beat at my legs
as my feet sank in the sand at the beach
today I saw you
you were the ladybirds that crawled up my arms
tickling me as I lay on the grass to dry up
today I saw you
you were the sand speckles that shone
so bright even through my sunshades
today we heard you
you were the voice of reason
that wanted us to stop holing up in the house
today we heard you
you were the strong laugh
that put a smile on each of our faces
today we heard you
you were the voice that wants us to go on
as you light up our ways
today we heard you
your promise that we'll still walk the same line
despite your sudden demise
we will see you every single day
because she is you and you her
today we miss you
and love you in death
as much as we did in life

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Friday, March 27, 2009

Why you?

I keep forgetting why we're gathered here? Why we are on international calls day and night? why we must fight to pick a wooden casket over a cast iron one? why my head has hurt since Tuesday? and why I can't seem to get off my feet? and why when I go to bed and close my eyes I see you and can't fall asleep? why there are tears in my eyes constantly? why I've missed class and work all week? why strangers have been calling with their sympathies? why we had to go out and buy the condolences book on Tuesday night? why we keep going shopping everyday and each morning we wake up we are out of food and have to start over? why she sits by me and says she wants to die to? why all these people are here? why I keep seeing you standing at the edge of my bed, in a corner in a room yet really can't join in? why you will NEVER walk in through that door again? why your car is parked up front and yet you're not home? why God had to choose you? why someone else drove the car you drove to work the previous night home that day? why we'll NEVER see you again? why? why? why? why? why

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

RIP Ben

Dear Ben,

You were a big brother to me
You watched out for me and
loved me always and took care of me and all of us really
And today when I received that phone call my heart dropped and sunk,
deeper that I thought possible,
my stomach knotted up as I gagged in my mouth,
repressing screams
and my head throbbed in the pain
as I tried to wrap my mind around it all
and comprehend it
And I dropped in the grass in sobs
because I could not believe you were gone
And as I get in to bed tonight
my heart aches and
tears I stopped all day now flow in torrents
I'll celebrate you in my crying because
it's the only way I know how
I hope and pray you're resting in eternal peace
and already watching down on us and wishing us well
Shine, like the star your were here on earth,
shine on us our dear Ben from up in heaven, shine

Listening to-Shine Your Light

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