One of the patients I had today was this cute 20y.o. guy, so cute you just want to hug him and tell him it's going to be fine but then you see in therapy that would be what is called fake reassurance not to mention we have a no-touch policy so the hugs just wouldn't happen. but this kid was so sweet and to think he has a mental issue he'll have to tackle and live with for the rest of his life just breaks my heart. he is there b/c he tried to commit suicide but when you think of it he is just a 20y.o. who hasn't even experienced life then he realizes he can never hang out with his age mates, never be 'normal' b/c he is 'different' in a way few perceive ah it gets to me.he has schizophrenia which is the worse psychotic illness and am supposed to sit there with him and try be as therapeutic as i can and say what? then he looks me straight in the eye and tells me that he is just 'not social' he is trying to tell me he has no social or doesn't know how to socialize but no its not that he doesn't know how it's just that it's one of the symptoms for this illness, the medical term for it is, asocial, and unfortunately he even has no clue about that, so gently i explain it to him. by explaining i'm trying to help him feel less guilty and different when he isolates himself from others b/c something in him tells him he doesn't 'fit' in the crowd. well am not supposed to be sympathetic God knows even i can't stand it when someone tries to feel sorry for me. am supposed to be empathetic. sometimes am like forget all of that let's be real this kid will be stuck in this life for the next however long and each morning he'll wake up and each night go to bed trying to fight these demons and voices that tell him to be paranoid or to jump a bridge or to slit his wrists.it kills me i mean am supposed to just sit there and be therapeutic? he needs me alright i know that but please just shoot me b/c i feel so sorry for him and it's hard sometimes to not wonder if there is a possibility to trade places but God have mercy.see this is the problem sometimes i bring it home with me, i meet a patient and they stay with me somehow and i can't shake them off. anyway let me stop i bet it's my career and i've to learn to be the best i can each day and make it less personal. still it tags at my heart somehow i love them all with a love that i can't explain leaving them each night and finding them the next morning does me proud b/c living their lives takes special people and every single of them is exactly that, a special person.
12 comments:
You just happen to have a soft human side/youch that most people yearn for but only very few have. Are you by any chance a piscean?
Unfortunately in such situations, you will always take it home with you, that it gets worse not better.For the patient it is a good thing, because you don't see an illness, you see a human being. For you, it's not that good, because you soon realise, not everyone gets better. That is life.
You can not trade places.....it's not what God intended for you to do.
but if they don't touch you, how can you touch them?
{{{P}}}
Props. Yu are doing a pretty good job and need i say.. am proud of yu?
Do it and Do it some more. with everything it brings each morning.. just do what yu love. It's what makes yu yu. It's why yu are the special one entrusted with that care.
Aiight?
My mother was a secretary for a psychiatrist and she always used this quote from the doctor:
"you know Mary, Today I am studying psychiatry, but if you arent careful, psychiatry starts to study you!" From your blog, it might be trying to start its studies on ya...Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
your jobo is the hardest i believe...there's danger of their problems becoming yours...that's the problem of being too sensitive, yet you must be...aw man, all i can say is keep up the good work, you help many a battered soul, and that's superb. adjectives have hepad me.
by the way, is there a shrink for shrinks?
oh and thanks, i'm feeling a lil better.
((p))
I don't think I could be able to a job as emotional as urs, ma heart would keep breaking...
I feel u so much bt I thank God for people like u...God Bless u..
Continue being strong for them, they need u...
What a job. I am somewhat at a loss for words. This post really tugged on my heartstrings. I pray your mental strength.
Just a quick note to say thanks for stopping by. Nice blog you have here...I'll be back. God bless!
God has blessed you so you can be a blessing to him and all your other patients...keep being strong for them...
@All-thank you!
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