Troubled tuesday

I don't care,
no, not like i used to
not as deep as i did

I hurt,
very deep

My heart cannot be broken
yet the pain of the brokeness
lurks
the torment just as bad

I'm sad,
a bit sadder everyday
a little less sadder
everyday

It's senseless
it makes no sense
It does not add up

One more thing in me
shut off

where joy once lurked
looms suppressed tears
suppressed groans
suppressed sadness
anger at self

Let me be
angry if only for today

Let me cry
just one more time tonight

Let me feel lost
one last time

Let me close my eyes
torment myself one more time with
what's locked in

Let me lose myself
one more time to the memories
in the mind

Let me get schooled again
one more time hoping to keep the lesson

Let me sulk,
let me cry,
let me feel sad,
let me be whatever emotion i want be,
before i let it all go

Let me re-live
all the good moments
and times

Let me re-visit
all the fights
and sorrows, pain
that came with it

Let me lose myself
in it
With a hope to be well again