Why you?

I keep forgetting why we're gathered here? Why we are on international calls day and night? why we must fight to pick a wooden casket over a cast iron one? why my head has hurt since Tuesday? and why I can't seem to get off my feet? and why when I go to bed and close my eyes I see you and can't fall asleep? why there are tears in my eyes constantly? why I've missed class and work all week? why strangers have been calling with their sympathies? why we had to go out and buy the condolences book on Tuesday night? why we keep going shopping everyday and each morning we wake up we are out of food and have to start over? why she sits by me and says she wants to die to? why all these people are here? why I keep seeing you standing at the edge of my bed, in a corner in a room yet really can't join in? why you will NEVER walk in through that door again? why your car is parked up front and yet you're not home? why God had to choose you? why someone else drove the car you drove to work the previous night home that day? why we'll NEVER see you again? why? why? why? why? why

RIP Ben

Dear Ben,

You were a big brother to me
You watched out for me and
loved me always and took care of me and all of us really
And today when I received that phone call my heart dropped and sunk,
deeper that I thought possible,
my stomach knotted up as I gagged in my mouth,
repressing screams
and my head throbbed in the pain
as I tried to wrap my mind around it all
and comprehend it
And I dropped in the grass in sobs
because I could not believe you were gone
And as I get in to bed tonight
my heart aches and
tears I stopped all day now flow in torrents
I'll celebrate you in my crying because
it's the only way I know how
I hope and pray you're resting in eternal peace
and already watching down on us and wishing us well
Shine, like the star your were here on earth,
shine on us our dear Ben from up in heaven, shine

Listening to-Shine Your Light

Dreams

i will crawl under those covers
lay my head on the pillow
listen to my heart's beat slow down
hear my blood smoothly swish along
feel my thoughts drift away
pushed away and overtaken
by my dreams
and so
i'll let myself dream
let myself dream of places revisited
love found
lessons learned
tears cried and wiped
friends made
paths trod
walks taken
plans made
love lost
crossroads
i'll let myself dream
then I'll awake
arising to find my dreams
and embrace them

Memories of us

Are you lonesome today?
Do you miss me today?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray
To that cold winter's morning
When we kissed?
And became one?