Friday, March 27, 2009

Why you?

I keep forgetting why we're gathered here? Why we are on international calls day and night? why we must fight to pick a wooden casket over a cast iron one? why my head has hurt since Tuesday? and why I can't seem to get off my feet? and why when I go to bed and close my eyes I see you and can't fall asleep? why there are tears in my eyes constantly? why I've missed class and work all week? why strangers have been calling with their sympathies? why we had to go out and buy the condolences book on Tuesday night? why we keep going shopping everyday and each morning we wake up we are out of food and have to start over? why she sits by me and says she wants to die to? why all these people are here? why I keep seeing you standing at the edge of my bed, in a corner in a room yet really can't join in? why you will NEVER walk in through that door again? why your car is parked up front and yet you're not home? why God had to choose you? why someone else drove the car you drove to work the previous night home that day? why we'll NEVER see you again? why? why? why? why? why

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

i hope you get through this. it's touching. be blessed.

Girl in the Meadow said...

I hope you find the strength to cope...Pole sana. I know what you are going through

Jennifer A. said...

*sigh*

Only God knows why...

May God give you strength that supersedes the little strength you have left...

Kafo said...

mercy
blessings
I am praying for you.
may God be a comfort to you and yours during this period

it doesn't make sense
i don't know if on this side of the world it ever would but hang in there

gishungwa said...

((((Poi))) you are in my prayers and thoughts.may the peace and solace that only God can give be with yu and those who were close to Ben.

joyunspeakable2011 said...

You are a blessing....keep being strenghthened..cry if you want to...dont hold back....but be strong in His might

~ScotchBiscuits~ said...

there are just no words to say-but you know deep down, beneath all the grief and the hurt, and the loss you feel, the anger, the confusion...beneath all the emptiness, you do know about being in better hands.
You dont have to feel that way right now, or anytime soon. Just keep the knowledge safely tucked away beneath all the doubt. He is better hands now.
Eventually your heart will start to believe it, and peace will replace the hurt. In the meantime, hugs,big long unending hugs.

pandave said...

Oh, I am so sorry.
I don't even want to try to imagine what you are going through. May love surround you and keep you warm and don't be afraid to feel what you feel and just let it go.

Mrs.O said...

I stumbled onto your blog only to find this pain.
Sorry about Ben, I'm glad you celebrate his life and the time he spent with you. That God would take him away so suddenly is not for us to understand but to know that He holds your hurt and your heart in His mighty hands.
May He watch over you and carry you through.