Because I couldn't possibly share with you my sorrow of losing yet another loved one. Lately all I write about here is death. And today I have no strength to even consider writing a poem. But I did read the history behind the song- It is well- about the man Horatio Spafford and how he first lost his only son and then in an effort to get his four daughters away from the grief and sorrow he put them on a boat to England only to lose them. I cannot imagine his sorrow or even compare it to what my family and I are feeling because we all grieve differently. And then there is Natalie Grant's song -Held- in which she sings about her friend who loses two loved ones in a span of 48hrs. Stop and think of it. How sorrowful it must have been and I bet still is. How the world must have span out of control for her friend.
As a healthcare professional I am well aware of the five stages of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When you lose a loved one you wonder if its ever going to get better, wonder how life could possibly go on without them, and you are angry at the world and life and even people for going on unscathed like nothing happened. And this is what causes as to linger in one grieving stage than the other or all together skip denial, anger and bargaining and just shoot straight for depression. They say time heals wounds but only to a certain extent. For example in my family's case we were just starting to 'heal' by coming into terms with all our losses in the past year. And then boom time has found a way to wound us over.
It is hard to even try to conceive the very idea that it is well or could be well in the end. The sacred has been torn from us over and over. But believe us we might not we are still HELD. It is very hard to believe that right now believe me but I believe in God and despite feeling forgotten I know He remembers us. I don't even believe that right now yet I do. Confusing huh? I know but that's how I feel right now. I just want God to remember us and make it stop. All these deaths, all these funerals...exceedingly exhausting and overwhelming physically, mentally, socially and in so many other ways on so many different levels.
Not much to write home about. But I'd like to;
- Untie my tennies laces instead of kicking 'em off because when I have to got running the next day I still have to do it. Which by the way at that point is double work because at said point I not only have to untie I have to tie too. Silly but true
- Cook more & eat out less
- Eat out at those little on the street very cozy and intimate restaurants and cafes more w great company
- Not take a rain check on dessert
- Do all the little things that make me happy e.g. paint cellphone green (hi little (: ) and a cuppa green tea at 1am that will keep me awake for the rest of the night
- Deliriously read all my glamour issues cover to cover
- Make the bed when I wake up in the morning instead of trying to make it right before bed when half asleep
- Crawl into bed earlier
- Make it ok to put the one song I love on heavy rotation all day long
- Dance around naked in my apartment
- Sing out loud in the shower regardless of how tuneless I might be (and always are)
- Run in the rain
- Go hiking more often
- Live a little more with each new day
- Make the present count the most
- Make more diary/journal entries for when dementia kicks in LOL
- Strive to go to church every Sunday
- Drink more water
- Live for God in most areas of my life as is humanly possible
- Kiss with my eyes closed (I always do. Oops did I just kiss and tell?)
- Read more of my favorite blogs
- Rita thank you for the music paper in March. If I never said it here it is now very 'fashionably' late but still here. Thank you, thank you, thank you
- Pandave dear those adorable comments you leave are what makes me want to come back and do more entries. You're far too kind :)
- Sit on the steps w Rita and talk about all the random things our little minds can possibly conceive (which would seriously surprise you much)
- Read a good book. People its been eons since I did. Please make suggestions.
- Read the WHOLE bible in a year or less :)
- Find a way to be happy as I do my laundry. But even better would be if I could 'curse' less under my breath as I fold and put them away.
- Pick out outfits independent of whether or not they need ironing. Ironing has always been the biggest determining factor
- And the list is endless so I'll be back when I remember the rest
- In the meantime pray with me Haiti heals
- I hope y'all having a happy new year so far and all the very best in everything and in all areas of your life
