Monday, February 22, 2010

It is going to be well because we are HELD

Because I couldn't possibly share with you my sorrow of losing yet another loved one. Lately all I write about here is death. And today I have no strength to even consider writing a poem. But I did read the history behind the song- It is well- about the man Horatio Spafford and how he first lost his only son and then in an effort to get his four daughters away from the grief and sorrow he put them on a boat to England only to lose them. I cannot imagine his sorrow or even compare it to what my family and I are feeling because we all grieve differently. And then there is Natalie Grant's song -Held- in which she sings about her friend who loses two loved ones in a span of 48hrs. Stop and think of it. How sorrowful it must have been and I bet still is. How the world must have span out of control for her friend.

As a healthcare professional I am well aware of the five stages of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When you lose a loved one you wonder if its ever going to get better, wonder how life could possibly go on without them, and you are angry at the world and life and even people for going on unscathed like nothing happened. And this is what causes as to linger in one grieving stage than the other or all together skip denial, anger and bargaining and just shoot straight for depression. They say time heals wounds but only to a certain extent. For example in my family's case we were just starting to 'heal' by coming into terms with all our losses in the past year. And then boom time has found a way to wound us over.

It is hard to even try to conceive the very idea that it is well or could be well in the end. The sacred has been torn from us over and over. But believe us we might not we are still HELD. It is very hard to believe that right now believe me but I believe in God and despite feeling forgotten I know He remembers us. I don't even believe that right now yet I do. Confusing huh? I know but that's how I feel right now. I just want God to remember us and make it stop. All these deaths, all these funerals...exceedingly exhausting and overwhelming physically, mentally, socially and in so many other ways on so many different levels.

4 comments:

Kafo said...

hmmmm
there is this song you need to look for it is Drop the World by Warren Barfield and each time something happens that shakes mii to the depth of my soul it is one of the songs that offers mii comfort.

Acts 17:28 says “in Him we live and move and have our being"

i take consolation in the fact that my pain he feels to the nth degree because he feels all that i feel and more becuz he is bound by the laws of this land and cannot intervene.

honestly, seriously death is personal and gut wrenchingly hard to deal with but I pray that God will be with your whole family. i don't doubt that he is there, so my prayer is more that he will be seen in the lil things that happen

hang in there

Jennifer A. said...

Knowing the stories behind "It is well," is...well...speechless.

I pray for strength. And Lord please enough is enough. Let affliction not rise up another time.

gishungwa said...

"The promise was when everything fell we'd be held" Sending my love and hugs,still in my prayers.

pandave said...

First, i send you a hug. Then another one. then i say to you that i am always in awe of your strength and positive attitude in incredibly trying times. i have no doubt you are tired and yet you still inspire.
and finally, another hug,