It is going to be well because we are HELD

Because I couldn't possibly share with you my sorrow of losing yet another loved one. Lately all I write about here is death. And today I have no strength to even consider writing a poem. But I did read the history behind the song- It is well- about the man Horatio Spafford and how he first lost his only son and then in an effort to get his four daughters away from the grief and sorrow he put them on a boat to England only to lose them. I cannot imagine his sorrow or even compare it to what my family and I are feeling because we all grieve differently. And then there is Natalie Grant's song -Held- in which she sings about her friend who loses two loved ones in a span of 48hrs. Stop and think of it. How sorrowful it must have been and I bet still is. How the world must have span out of control for her friend.

As a healthcare professional I am well aware of the five stages of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When you lose a loved one you wonder if its ever going to get better, wonder how life could possibly go on without them, and you are angry at the world and life and even people for going on unscathed like nothing happened. And this is what causes as to linger in one grieving stage than the other or all together skip denial, anger and bargaining and just shoot straight for depression. They say time heals wounds but only to a certain extent. For example in my family's case we were just starting to 'heal' by coming into terms with all our losses in the past year. And then boom time has found a way to wound us over.

It is hard to even try to conceive the very idea that it is well or could be well in the end. The sacred has been torn from us over and over. But believe us we might not we are still HELD. It is very hard to believe that right now believe me but I believe in God and despite feeling forgotten I know He remembers us. I don't even believe that right now yet I do. Confusing huh? I know but that's how I feel right now. I just want God to remember us and make it stop. All these deaths, all these funerals...exceedingly exhausting and overwhelming physically, mentally, socially and in so many other ways on so many different levels.